A Day with Mommy

By Dr. Ella Mae Masamayor

“Tara, Ate, kain tayo.”

My mom took me out to lunch recently. It was nothing special. We had lunch at our favorite restaurant, choosing our favorite salad and mozzarella sticks. Then we walked around, looking at bags and clothes and other typical mall displays. Eventually, we were hungry again, so we snacked at a fro-yo stall. We shared one big serving of yogurt and fruit before finally going home. That was a really good day. It’s been a while since I had a really good day. Mommy always knew how to make a great day.

Before the pandemic, Mommy and I used to do this a lot. I found so much joy in going on dates with Mommy. We are not particularly adventurous people, so every date is just a version of that day I just described. Lunch. Strolling around. Some shopping. Probably dessert. Maybe coffee. Yes, definitely coffee.

We talk about everything and nothing all at once. What’s remarkable to me isn’t what we did, it’s that we got to do the date at all, after not being able to do it for so long. The lockdown pretty much put an end to my dates with Mommy for a while. I was still a resident physician during the pandemic, so I still had to go to work and see patients with COVID-19. I was too much of a risk to my family. I’ve heard one too many stories of patients the same age as my parents getting admitted for COVID-19. The thought of infecting my family was horrifying.

So for much of the pandemic, Mommy and I didn’t see each other. It wasn’t a very large distance apart (we still live in the same building, after all), but I refused to eat with them or go anywhere near them, especially at a time when so much was uncertain and unknown to us. We made do with video calls and messaging apps. We couldn’t eat out, go shopping, or even breathe the same air together. It was an abrupt transition, but we knew it had to be done. It was difficult on Mommy’s end, too. Aside from the general fear and anxiety from an unknown disease, I knew she wanted to be there for me. Her love language is service, and she always showed that through cooked meals we ate together, through coffee she prepared for me while I worked, or through random shopping dates to relieve us of stress. We couldn’t do any of that, and I know she struggled tremendously because of that.

As time wore on, we went in and out of quarantine protocols. It was difficult to tell when it was safe again, with surge after surge coming at us. Whatever horrors I would see in the hospital, I worried for my family at home. Eventually, just as things were looking up, two years after the pandemic started, my entire family still got COVID. Thankfully, they were all mild cases, but it was still another frightful series of staying indoors and staying put, and I was afraid all over again. Or, well, maybe the fear never really went away. Even now, COVID hasn’t exactly disappeared from our midst, and with it carries with it a pervasive fear and anxiety, and it’s not very easy to shake off.

And now, with most restrictions lifted and the world slowly beckoning us back out, there’s a lot of hope but also a lot of hesitancy. It’s not a sudden plunge back into activity, not as abrupt as how the lockdown came upon us. More of a slow, steady transition, like wading in the shallow waters before paddling toward the deep end.

I’m hesitant, but also hopeful for healing. There are restaurants, theaters, and concerts now. We get to attend weddings and birthday parties and baby showers again. And as simple as a date with my mom is, it’s comforting that I get to do this again, that we can calmly head over to the mall should either of us crave pasta, that we can share a meal or a fro-yo between us, that we can stroll around to look at shoes and bags without hurrying home—little things that we took for granted pre-pandemic.

I’m grateful that we get to start catching up on the great days that COVID-19 took away and never let us have. So much food not shared, stories not told, and hugs not hugged.  I’m looking forward to more dates with Mom, and to more face-to-face activities we can enjoy with our loved ones. The pandemic emphasized how important these small slices of time are, that these moments fill voids we only notice when they become mere memories. We have this aching need for human connection, this longing to be among loved ones and friends, and as much as social media connects us, there are places where it still painfully falls short. Video calls with Mommy were life-giving, but they could never compare to a day spent with her.

To all of us, may we have more days like this, days we share with our loved ones, days when we create a space for stories and memories we can look back on.

And to my mom, who makes every day a great day, I quote Taylor Swift,

“I didn't know if you knew

So I'm taking this chance to say

That I had the best day with you today.”

Dr. Ella Mae Masamayor is an internist, blogger, and podcaster. She co-hosts the Kwentong Callroom Podcast with her best friend and blogs about her thoughts at ellathinksaloud.wordpress.com.

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